Tag: 12step

12step

Riding the insomnia train

stephaniep, , , , , , 0 comment

I am among the millions of people out there with occassional sleep issues.  For the past few years, insomnia has come and gone. When I was using, getting sleep was really not much of a problem since I was self-medicating and in a state of perpetual buzz.  I never seemed to get enough sleep and I almost slept too much. Today, I am clean and sober yet blissful, uninterrupted, deep sleep is sometimes a challenge.  Is this an after-effect that many addicts/alcoholics experience in recovery?  Was I too stoned at…

Read More
12step

Celebrity. Rehab.

stephaniep, , , , , , , , , , , 0 comment

It seems not another day goes by that you hear about some famous person going to rehab.  In this age of celebrity, being in recovery has almost become fashionable.  Mind you, I am not usually into in celebrity gossip but when I hear about “so and so” going into rehab again, I can’t help but take an interest. Maybe it’s because I believe that celebrities in recovery are good publicity for recovery.  To most people, stars seem to be these indivduals that are larger than life but when they wind…

Read More
12step

Other’s people drinking bugs me

stephaniep, , , , , , , 0 comment

Other people’s drinking sometimes gets to me. A few months ago, I witnessed a house guest and very dear in-law of mine get drunk every night on California Merlot. Now this man has been drinking wine with his meals most of his life but within the last few years he went from consuming a half bottle of wine to two bottles a day. His drinking reminded me of my own late father who drank only with his meals, like most Europeans. Growing up I witnessed too many drunken scenes and…

Read More
12step

Happy Sober Birthday

stephaniep, , , , , , , , , , 0 comment

The other day while I was at work, (yes, do have a day job as being an artist doesn’t pay all the bills), one of my co-workers made a comment along the lines of, “Why would anyone celebrate being sober?”  To that I replied, “For some people who have nearly destroyed their lives with drugs, alcohol or any other addictions, one more year of sobriety is a big freaking deal.”  Of course, my co-worker is not in recovery and for people outside the community, the idea of celebrating sobriety seems…

Read More
12step

Still dreaming of using after all these years

stephaniep, , , , , , , , , 0 comment

It’s been a little over six years now that I’ve been clean and every now and then I have a dream that I’m about to use.  Usually it’s the same dream too that basically challenges my sobriety.  In this dream, I am typically alone and low and behold, I seem to have found a stash of dope that I’ve completely forgotten about. So there I am in the same place I was years ago, excited to have found this buried treasure and wanting to have some right away. But in…

Read More
12step

The Hellidays…are they over yet?

stephaniep, , , , , , , , , , 0 comment

I’ve been very lax in my blogging lately due to the demands of the holiday season.  Oh yes the holidays…such a challenging time of year for us in recovery.  I sometimes like to refer to the holidays as the “hellidays” since we are bound by the traditions that put great social pressure on us, force us to be with family we would rather not be with and we have to do this clean and sober.   And let us not forget the pleasure of watching others drink and get drunk.  More than…

Read More
Uncategorized

Relaspse…the scariest monster of all

stephaniep, , , , , , , , , , 0 comment

What could be more frightening than the prospect of relapsing? A friend of mine just relapsed and although he’s back in recovery and has been clean for about 9 months, he relapsed long and hard for about 2 years. What he said to me was very poignant and I wanted to share this with you. He said that within the first week he started using again, he was back to the same amount of substance and using it with the same frequency as he had over 10 years ago. Scary isn’t it…

Read More
Uncategorized

Life is short..why waste it being wasted

stephaniep, , , , , , , , , 0 comment

When I think about sobriety and all the wonderful gifts it brought me, I can only thank my lucky stars that I’m still clean.  I try not to remember the past with bitterness in my heart because it really only causes pain and it is negative.  Sure, it’s easy to say when I was using, I was so this or so that..and, at first when you are finally sober, you need to recall how you used to be. God knows how many ambitious or worthwhile projects never got done because I was just too stoned. Guilt can…

Read More
Uncategorized

I’m bored, therefore I use/drink

stephaniep, , , , , , 0 comment

I think most of us addicts/alcoholics know a thing or two about boredom.  In fact, I know that one of the many reasons I used in the past was because I was bored.  It was like, I’m bored, I can’t concentrate on anything right now so I’ll get high.  Boredom became this monkey on my back that led me to using more and more.  After I cleaned up, I had to still deal with boredom and it was not easy finding things to do that required my full attention. Luckily,…

Read More
Uncategorized

This prayer is for me and my aunt and…

stephaniep, , , , , , , , , , 0 comment

Serenity isn’t just about the 12 steps.  It’s about coping with life.  This last year has been a real roller coaster for me.  I had some successes and I also had some health problems that frightened me so much that it made me even sicker.  The Serenity Prayer became my mantra and I began to pray hard and often when the fear took over.   We often think this prayer is just for folks in recovery but really, so many people have turned to it in difficult times.  I am inspired by my aunt, Colette,…

Read More