12step

Freedom

As I approach my seven years of being clean, I ask myself what is the one true thing I’ve gained.  That one thing would be freedom.  Freedom from the isolation and secrecy of addiction. Freedom from not having to score my next stash.  Freedom from my self-loathing and mood swings. Keeping that dirty little habit that spun so out of control from my husband, my family, my non-using friends, my co-workers and from society in general was a constant preoccupation.  Like most addicts, I really tried hard to conceal my habit and for…

Read More
12step

Come clean with your Dr.

This blog entry is dedicated to all the women out there who suffer from uterine fibroid tumors.  Approximately 40% of menstruating women suffer from fibroid tumors.  Symptoms include heavy, long periods, cramping and pelvic pressure   Left untreated, these fibroids can make you anemic and your life miserable.  Up until recently, I was part of this statistic.  Ladies, there is a treatment option out there that doesn’t involve a hysterectomy, a major surgical procedure with a recovery time of 6-8 weeks. Fortunately, there is a procedure called Uterine Artery Embolization.  UAE…

Read More
12step

Riding the insomnia train

I am among the millions of people out there with occassional sleep issues.  For the past few years, insomnia has come and gone. When I was using, getting sleep was really not much of a problem since I was self-medicating and in a state of perpetual buzz.  I never seemed to get enough sleep and I almost slept too much. Today, I am clean and sober yet blissful, uninterrupted, deep sleep is sometimes a challenge.  Is this an after-effect that many addicts/alcoholics experience in recovery?  Was I too stoned at…

Read More
12step

Celebrity. Rehab.

It seems not another day goes by that you hear about some famous person going to rehab.  In this age of celebrity, being in recovery has almost become fashionable.  Mind you, I am not usually into in celebrity gossip but when I hear about “so and so” going into rehab again, I can’t help but take an interest. Maybe it’s because I believe that celebrities in recovery are good publicity for recovery.  To most people, stars seem to be these indivduals that are larger than life but when they wind…

Read More
12step

Other’s people drinking bugs me

Other people’s drinking sometimes gets to me. A few months ago, I witnessed a house guest and very dear in-law of mine get drunk every night on California Merlot. Now this man has been drinking wine with his meals most of his life but within the last few years he went from consuming a half bottle of wine to two bottles a day. His drinking reminded me of my own late father who drank only with his meals, like most Europeans. Growing up I witnessed too many drunken scenes and…

Read More
12step

Happy Sober Birthday

The other day while I was at work, (yes, do have a day job as being an artist doesn’t pay all the bills), one of my co-workers made a comment along the lines of, “Why would anyone celebrate being sober?”  To that I replied, “For some people who have nearly destroyed their lives with drugs, alcohol or any other addictions, one more year of sobriety is a big freaking deal.”  Of course, my co-worker is not in recovery and for people outside the community, the idea of celebrating sobriety seems…

Read More
12step

Still dreaming of using after all these years

It’s been a little over six years now that I’ve been clean and every now and then I have a dream that I’m about to use.  Usually it’s the same dream too that basically challenges my sobriety.  In this dream, I am typically alone and low and behold, I seem to have found a stash of dope that I’ve completely forgotten about. So there I am in the same place I was years ago, excited to have found this buried treasure and wanting to have some right away. But in…

Read More
12step

The Hellidays…are they over yet?

I’ve been very lax in my blogging lately due to the demands of the holiday season.  Oh yes the holidays…such a challenging time of year for us in recovery.  I sometimes like to refer to the holidays as the “hellidays” since we are bound by the traditions that put great social pressure on us, force us to be with family we would rather not be with and we have to do this clean and sober.   And let us not forget the pleasure of watching others drink and get drunk.  More than…

Read More