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Still dreaming of using after all these years

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It’s been a little over six years now that I’ve been clean and every now and then I have a dream that I’m about to use.  Usually it’s the same dream too that basically challenges my sobriety.  In this dream, I am typically alone and low and behold, I seem to have found a stash of dope that I’ve completely forgotten about. So there I am in the same place I was years ago, excited to have found this buried treasure and wanting to have some right away. But in…

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The Hellidays…are they over yet?

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I’ve been very lax in my blogging lately due to the demands of the holiday season.  Oh yes the holidays…such a challenging time of year for us in recovery.  I sometimes like to refer to the holidays as the “hellidays” since we are bound by the traditions that put great social pressure on us, force us to be with family we would rather not be with and we have to do this clean and sober.   And let us not forget the pleasure of watching others drink and get drunk.  More than…

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Relaspse…the scariest monster of all

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What could be more frightening than the prospect of relapsing? A friend of mine just relapsed and although he’s back in recovery and has been clean for about 9 months, he relapsed long and hard for about 2 years. What he said to me was very poignant and I wanted to share this with you. He said that within the first week he started using again, he was back to the same amount of substance and using it with the same frequency as he had over 10 years ago. Scary isn’t it…

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Life is short..why waste it being wasted

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When I think about sobriety and all the wonderful gifts it brought me, I can only thank my lucky stars that I’m still clean.  I try not to remember the past with bitterness in my heart because it really only causes pain and it is negative.  Sure, it’s easy to say when I was using, I was so this or so that..and, at first when you are finally sober, you need to recall how you used to be. God knows how many ambitious or worthwhile projects never got done because I was just too stoned. Guilt can…

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I’m bored, therefore I use/drink

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I think most of us addicts/alcoholics know a thing or two about boredom.  In fact, I know that one of the many reasons I used in the past was because I was bored.  It was like, I’m bored, I can’t concentrate on anything right now so I’ll get high.  Boredom became this monkey on my back that led me to using more and more.  After I cleaned up, I had to still deal with boredom and it was not easy finding things to do that required my full attention. Luckily,…

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This prayer is for me and my aunt and…

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Serenity isn’t just about the 12 steps.  It’s about coping with life.  This last year has been a real roller coaster for me.  I had some successes and I also had some health problems that frightened me so much that it made me even sicker.  The Serenity Prayer became my mantra and I began to pray hard and often when the fear took over.   We often think this prayer is just for folks in recovery but really, so many people have turned to it in difficult times.  I am inspired by my aunt, Colette,…

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Hello world!

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This is the first time I write a blog and honestly don’t know what I”m doing.  So here goes… I’ve been clean for 6 years now and although I appreciate sobriety, it’s been quite a journey.  As most of us in recovery know by now that after you pass the “honeymoon” phase of your sobriety, the little problems and bigger problems in life still come and go.  The only difference is, that being sober, you have to cope for real without any “help” from your habit.  It was hard at first for…

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